Mutual Submission by Pastor Dawn Wilson

To correctly understand Ephesians 5:22 we must first find the context of the apostle Paul’s writing in Ephesians 5. The context of Ephesians 5 is established in vs. 1 – 2.

Ephesians 5:1-2 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2 and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

The context of apostle Paul’s writing in Ephesians 5 is for ALL Christians – male and female – to be imitators of God and Jesus by walking in sacrificial love towards one another.

The apostle Paul begins a discourse on how sacrificial love is to function in the body of Christ in vs. 21.

Ephesians 5:21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

In vs. 21 the apostle Paul says EACH GENDER is to be subject to the other in the fear (reverence) of Christ. The Christian male is subject to the Christian female and vice versa – in Christ one gender is not above another, instead we are subject to one another.

The apostle Paul begins his discourse on how sacrificial love functions in the body of Christ by placing all in subjection to one another.

The mutual subjection of Ephesians 5:21 is found in several other scriptures. Romans 12:10 “prefer one another”, 1 Thessalonians 5:15 “seeking for the good and the benefit of others”, Philippians 2:3-4 with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves, 4 “put others and their needs before our own”.

The Greek word hupotasso is translated as subject to. The apostle Paul uses hupotasso in its middle voice of hupotassomai in his discourse on subjection in Ephesians 5. Hupotasso in the middle voice conveys the meaning of a “submission that is voluntarily given”. Thus Hupotasso submission cannot be required or forced. The one giving hupotasso submission must give it voluntarily.

Hupotasso’s middle voice hupotassomai does not convey the meaning of “a ranking of persons, to rule over or to be ruled.”

The Greek uses two entirely different words for a submission which demands or requires obedience. The Greek word for “dutiful obedience” is hupakouo. The Greek word for “obedient submission to one in authority” is peitharcheo.

The apostle Paul used the Greek word hupakouo in Ephesians 6 when instructing children and slaves in dutiful obedience. Surely, if he had meant to place wives in a position of obedience to their husband he would have used this word in Ephesians 5, just as he did in Ephesians 6.

What does hupotasso submission look like? We can find the answer by looking further at the definition of this word.

Hupotasso’s middle voice Hupotassomai conveys the meaning of “tend to the needs of, be supportive of, and be responsive to.” Hupotassomai when used as a military term conveys the meaning of “equal sharing of the task”.

According to the apostle Paul in vs. 21 both male and female are to give hupotassomai submission to one another in reverence of Christ. The apostle Paul is thus instructing all Christians tend to each other’s needs, to be supportive of one another, and be responsive to one another.

The apostle Paul after placing the church in voluntary submission to one another in vs. 22 begins an explanation of “how” this voluntary mutual submission is to work in a marriage relationship.

Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Vs. 22 actually reads “Wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” The words be subject are borrowed from vs. 21. The apostle Paul did not separate wife’s submission to her husband from the mutual submission given in vs. 21. When he borrowed the verbiage of vs. 21 the apostle Paul welded the concepts of mutual submission and wife submission together as one.

Hupotasso submission is given voluntarily. Thus Paul instructs wives to voluntarily submit to the husband just as their husbands voluntarily submit to their wives in the mutual submission of vs. 21.

Apostle Paul instructs wives in hupotassomai submission to voluntarily meet the needs of, to give support to, and be responsive to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

The apostle Paul instructs husbands to agapao (translated as love) their wives. The Greek word agapao is almost identical to hupotassomai in meaning. Agapao means “giving up of oneself to care for another, be responsive to, tend to the needs of”.

Apostle Paul used these two key words in a parallel fashion to example how the marriage relationship functions in the mutual submission found in vs. 21.

The apostle Paul did not only use these two key words in such a parallel in Ephesians 5. He also used them in the same parallel fashion in Colossians 3:18-19.

Colossians 3:18-19 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

Paul again uses these two key words – hupotassomai and agapao - in a parallel fashion to example how the marriage relationship functions in the mutual submission.

The sacrificial love with which the apostle Paul began this chapter is exampled in function in vs. 21 – 25. Sacrificial love is first exampled in function in the body of Christ through mutual submission to one another in vs. 21, then exampled in wives’ hupotassomai submission to their husbands in vs. 22, and lastly exampled in husbands agapao love to their wives in vs. 25.

Wives in the sacrificial love of mutual submission are to prefer their husbands over themselves, put their husband’s needs before their own, and seek for the good and the benefit of their husband.

Husbands in the sacrificial love of mutual submission are to prefer their wives over themselves, put their wives needs before their own, and seek for the good and benefit of their wives.

In 1 Peter we have scriptural examples which showcase hupotasso as being voluntarily given.

1Peter 2:13-14 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, 14 or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. 15 For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

The apostle Peter instructs the church which has been scattered and in now living in the midst of a hostile environment to give voluntary submission (hupotasso) to every human institution and to those in authority for the Lord’s sake.

The apostle Peter does not demand these Christians submit, instead he makes a request that they choose to give submission voluntarily for the sake of the Lord.

1Peter 2:18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.

Apostle Peter requests the Christians who are slaves (servants) voluntarily give submissive to their masters with all respect. He petitions them to give voluntary submission not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.

1Peter 3:1-2 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

Apostle Peter begins his instructions to wives by saying, ‘in the same way’. These words, in the same way, connect this statement with the voluntary submission he requested the whole church give to those in authority and the voluntary submission he petitioned Christian slaves give to their masters in 1 Peter 2.

Apostle Peter requested wives to also give voluntary submission to their husband. He made this request so that unsaved husbands would be won to the Lord by their behavior.

Another possible reason for his request for voluntary submission from these wives is that Roman law commanded wives be subject to their husbands. Under Roman law wives were under the dominion and rule of their husbands. The Apostle Peter requested these wives not only voluntarily submit to those in authority but that they also willingly submit to the law with required submission to their husbands.

1 Peter 3:1-2 is not a command for wife submission — it is a request for voluntary submission.

The apostle Peter then uses Sarah’s voluntary submission to Abraham as an example.

1Peter 3:5-6 … being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

Apostle Peter when speaking of Sarah’s submission and obedience to Abraham is referring to the two times Abraham asked her to not tell that she was his wife but to instead say she was his sister. Abraham asked her to do so because he feared for his life. [Gen. 12:5-20, Gen. 20:1-18]

Sarah voluntarily submitted to Abraham’s request for her to lay aside her position as his wife. In voluntary submission she obeyed Abraham’s request say she was his sister.

Sarah did not have to lay aside her position as his wife – she had every right to refuse his request. Instead of refusing she voluntarily submitted and did as he requested.

The apostle Peter uses Sarah’s voluntary submission as an example to these wives. He encourages them to follow her example and voluntarily submit to their own husbands. BUT he didn’t stop with only the example of her submission and obedience – he also gave as an example Sarah’s being without any fear to frighten her.

Sarah was without any fear to frighten her because she had learned in the midst of pharaoh’s harem and Abimelech king of Gerar’s house that she could trust God and His protection in all things.

While in these harems Sarah could not hope that Abraham would deliver her – his fear for his own life had caused him to ask her to willing submit to being taken to this place and face the terrible consequences she now suffered. Fear for his life controlled Abraham, she could not expect any deliverance from his hand.

Sarah’s only hope for deliverance from her plight was God. Vs. 6 tells us that Sarah’s trust in God as her deliverer was so great that she was not afraid — even in these dire and terrible circumstances.

Why did the apostle Peter include this in his example of Sarah to these wives — he did so to encourage them that they need not fear as they willing submitted to unsaved husbands, they could trust God as Sarah had to be their protector. He did so to encourage them God would also deliver them from their circumstance — Roman law which placed them under the rule and dominion of their husbands — just as He had delivered Sarah.

Hupotasso is submission which is given voluntarily as exampled by the apostle Peter in 1 Peter 2 and 3.

Let’s look at several more verses which speak of submission voluntarily being given by wives to their husbands.

Titus 2:5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

The word translated as subject is once again hupotasso in its middle voice.

Apostle Paul instructs the older women to encourage the younger women to voluntarily love their husbands in a sacrificial love which seeks for the good and for the benefit of their husbands.

The submission Paul wrote of in marriage is a willingness to seek for the very best for one another. It is giving honor to our spouse above our self. It is working together to reach a common goal. It is voluntarily walking in subjection to each other, preferring one another, and seeking for the good of the other over our own good in sacrificial love.

Husbands and wives walk in subjection to each other as equals.

Some say of the partnership in the marriage relationship “equal but different functions” but the truth is that equality does not exist in this definition of the marriage relationship. Equality means ‘the state of being equal’ and being equal means “having the same status, same value, same rank, and same ability.”

Equality does not exist when one marriage partner is placed in authority or rule over the other. Equality does not exist when one marriage partner is place in a position of obedience to the other. Equality exists in the mutual submission the apostle Paul placed marriage in Ephesians 5:21-22.

Let’s now continue on with our examination of Ephesians 5.

Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

This verse is the “hinge” often used to establish a doctrine which places wives under the “authority and dominion” or “under the rule” of their husbands.

The Greek word kephale is translated as head. Kephale is not the Greek word used to convey “authority, dominion, or rule over.” The apostle Paul did not chose to use a word which conveyed the meaning “having authority over, ruling over, or having dominion over” in vs. 23.

Kephale when not used to mean the literal head as a part of the human body means “seizing, taking hold of, and source (as in the original, the beginning or start of something or originating from and being brought forth from an original.)”

If apostle Paul had meant to place the husband in a position of “rule over, authority over, and dominion” over the wife he would have surely used the Greek Word which did so. He instead used the word kephale which means “source” as in the head waters of a river.

Apostle Paul did not choose to use the Greek Word oikodespotes which means “the head of a family, master of the house” when he spoke of the husband in vs. 23. He choose instead to use the word kephale which is never used to convey the meaning of authority. If he had meant to give the position of “head of the family” and “master of the house” to the husband he would have certainly used the word oikodespotes.

The Greek word for “husband and man” is the word aner. The Greek word for “wife and woman” is the word gune. Thus vs. 23 could be translated as, ” the man is the source of the woman”. I believe this is proved to be the correct translation when coupled with the apostle Paul’s usage of kephale. By his use of kephale the apostle Paul is stating that the man was the SOURCE from which He brought for the woman (Eve).

This also is in line with what apostle Paul wrote of the Christ and the church. Christ is the source of the church – the church has her beginning in Him.

Ephesians 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

The word translated as subject is once again hupotasso in its middle voice. Thus vs. 24 is again speaking of wives giving voluntary submission and not submission which is demanded or obligated to be given.

Once interesting point which must be made concerning this verse is the words “AS the church is subject to Christ” Wives are to be subject to their husbands as the church is subject to Christ. What is Christ’s standard of subjection for the church?

Matt 20:25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. 26 “It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, 27 and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

In the church we are NOT to lord over (Greek = exercise dominion over) or exercise authority over one another. Jesus commanded us to follow His example and be servants who serve one another. The standard of subjection given by Jesus for the church is one of mutual service and mutual submission.

Thus wives subjection to their husbands AS the church is subject to Christ is a subjection of mutual service and mutual submission. It is NOT a subjection of being under dominion, under rule, or under the authority of their husbands. It is a subjection of mutuality.

As imitators of Christ in hupotasso submission we put to action our sacrificial love for one another.

A scriptural example of a subjection of mutuality is found in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.

1Corinthians 7:3-5 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

In this picture of mutual subjection written by the apostle Paul the husband and wife have authority over each other’s bodies. In mutual authority they must agree before entering into a season of sexual abstinence. The apostle Paul did not give this authority to the husband alone as the “ruler” or “authority over” his wife. He also did not place the wife under the decision of her husband – she was given an equal voice in this agreement.

One last area I want to address in Genesis 3:16.

Genesis 3:16 To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”

When God told Eve her “desire will be for your husband” and “he will rule over you” He was telling her what consequences would become manifest because of sin.

The Hebrew word translated as desire can also mean turning or stretching out after. Eve who had known true face to face intimacy with God would now turn – stretch out after – her husband in order to fill the void for intimacy she once had with God. One of the consequences of sin would be turning from intimacy with God and stretching out after intimacy with her husband.

God was not giving a ‘commandment’ for the husband to rule over his wife. He was simply telling Eve the effect her sin would have in her own life and in the generations which followed. One consequence of their sin was the equal dominion and authority over the earth they had shared in the garden would eventually disappear, a day would come when the man would rise over the woman and rule over her.

Thanks be to God who has loosed us from the consequences of Adam and Eve’s sin through the cross !!!

In summary the apostle Paul instructs the body of Christ to voluntarily submit to one another in sacrificial love which as was demonstrated to us by Jesus Christ. After giving this instruction he begins a discourse telling how mutual submission works in the marriage relationship.

The apostle Paul did not place wives under the rule, authority, or dominion of their husbands. Instead, he used parallel words to show a mutual submission of the wife to the husband and the husband to the wife.

Jesus came to bring liberty to all who are held captive — this liberty included all who were held captive under the patriarchal system.

Jesus demonstrated the liberty He brought from the domination of the patriarchal system as He spoke to one of his disciples in Matthew 8.

In Matt 8:18-19 Jesus gives orders to go to the other side. This command “to leave this side and to go with Jesus to the other side” gives us the context of a discussion which takes place between Jesus and an unnamed disciple.

Mat 8:21 Another of the disciples said to Him, “Lord, permit me first to go and bury my father.”
Mat 8:22 But Jesus said to him, “Follow Me, and allow the dead to bury their own dead.”

Under the patriarchal system this disciple was bound under the authority of the father until the father’s death. This disciple was simply asking to preform what the religious system of the day required – obedience and service to the father until he had performed the last service of his father’s burial. This system did not allow this disciple to freely get in the boat and go to the other side with Jesus – under the patriarchal system this disciple was restrained from following until he had buried his father.

Jesus’ words broke the bonds of the patriarchal system which held this unnamed disciple captive – Jesus’ words set him free to get in the boat and go with Jesus to the other side. Jesus set him free to freely and without restraint to follow Him. This unnamed disciple was free from the system which held him bond until the day he had buried his father. He was free to choose for himself and order His own life.

Indeed, we have missed so much truth because we fail to understand the impact of Jesus’ words of “let the dead bury their own dead” in that day and to that culture. We have missed the liberty Jesus’ words brought to those who were held captive under the extremes of a system instituted by man in the name of God.

Ephesians 5:1-2 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2 and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

The context of chapter 5 is for ALL Christians – male and female – to be imitators of God and Jesus by walking in sacrificial love.

Paul begins the topic of subjection in verse 21.

Ephesians 5:21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

Verse 21 says EACH GENDER is to be subject to the other in the fear (reverence) of Christ. The Christian male is subject to the Christian female and visa versa – in Christ one gender is not above another, we are to be subject to one another.

In Verse 21 Paul puts the husband and the wife in subjection to one another.

We are commanded to be in subjection to one another. Submission is not about being under leadership or authority of another or we would all be under each others leadership and authority.

We find this mutual subjection to one another not only commanded in this scripture but in several other Scriptures which command us to “prefer one another” (Romans 12:10), to “put others and their needs before our own”(Philippians 2:4), “seeking for the good and the benefit of others”(1 Thessalonians 5:15), with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves (Phi 2:3), etc.

1 Corinthians 16:16 teaches submission and subjection to all – to such as these and to everyone who labors in the work of the gospel and that everyone includes women in subjection to men, and men in subjection to women.

1 Corinthians 16:16 that you also be in subjection to such men and to everyone who helps in the work and labors.

The Greek word translated as ‘such men’ is “toioutos” which means “of this sort, like, such”

The word ‘men’ was added by the translators and IS NOT in the original Greek.

Paul instructs the church to be in subjection to such as these (no gender given) and to EVERYONE who helps in the work and labor.

The Greek word translated as subject to is “hupotassō” and is used in its passive form of “hupotassomai”.

The Greek used two other words for submission. The Greek word for dutiful obedience is “hupakouo”. The Greek word for obedient submission to one in authority is “peitharcheo”.

The Greek word “hupotassomai” DOES NOT convey either of these meanings of submission. “Hupotassomai” is voluntarily given; it can not be commanded, required or forced. The one giving “hupotassomai” must give it voluntarily.

What does “hupotassomai” submission look like? We find that answer by looking further at the definition of this word.

“Hupotassomai” conveys the meaning of “tend to the needs of, be supportive of, and be responsive to.”

“Hupotassomai” was also used as a military term and as thus it conveyed the meaning of “equal sharing of the task”.

According to verse 21 every Christian in the fear of Christ – both males and females – are to “hupotassomai” one another in the body of Christ. We are to tend to each others needs, be supportive of one another, and responsive to one another.

Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Verse 22 actually reads “Wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” The words ‘be subject’ are added words by those who transcribed the Bible and are not in the original Greek text.

A wives “hupotassomai” – subjection – is given voluntarily to the husband.

“Hupotassomai” is voluntarily given; it can not be commanded, required or forced.

“Hupotassomai” IS NOT a ranking of persons to rule or be ruled.

Paul by his use of “hupotassomai” explains how submission to one another works in the marriage relationship.

Wives voluntarily meet the needs of, give support to, and are responsive to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

Husbands “agapao” (translated as love) their wives. “Agapao” is almost identical to “hupotassomai” in meaning. It means “giving up of oneself to care for another, be responsive to, tend to the needs of”.

Paul used these two key words in a parallel fashion. He did so to example the marriage relationship in mutual submission to one another.

The sacrificial love which began this chapter is again commanded in Verses 21 – 25. The command of sacrificial love is first redirected to one another in verse 21, then it is directed to wives in verse 22, and lastly to the husband in verse 25.

Wives in the sacrificial love of mutual submission are to prefer their husbands over themselves, put their husband’s needs before their own, and seek for the good and the benefit of their husband.

Husbands in the sacrificial love of mutual submission are to prefer their wives over themselves, put their wives needs before their own, and seek for the good and benefit of their wives.

Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

This verse is the “hinge” used to establish a doctrine which places wives in a position of being “under the authority and dominion” of their husband or “under the rule” of their husband.

This “hinge” is combined with God’s words spoken to Eve in Genesis 3:16 “Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”

We come to an incorrect understanding of verse 23 when we combine these two verses to make a doctrinal statement.

The Greek word translated as “head” is “kephalē”. “Kephalē” is NOT the Greek word used for authority of dominion. Paul DID NOT use the Greek word for having authority over, ruling over, or having dominion over in this verse.

If Paul had meant to place the husband in a position of rule over, authority over, and dominion over the wife would have used the correct Greek Word to do so. He instead used a Word which can mean “source of” as in the source of a river.

Paul DID NOT use the Greek Word “oikodespotēs” which means “the head of a family, master of the house” when he spoke of the husband. He choose to use “kephale” which is NOT a word EVER used for authority in the Greek. If he had meant to give the position of “head of the family” and “master of the house” to the husband he would have certainly used the word “oikodespotēs”.

We can not in sound doctrine combine verse 23 with Genesis 3:16 to establish the husband as head or ruler over the wife. The context of this chapter is NOT authority or dominion – the context is imitating God and Jesus by walking in sacrificial love. Verse 23 must be interpreted in this context of sacrificial love.

“Kephalē” carries the meaning of “seizing, taking hold of, and source (as in the original, the beginning or start of something or originating from and being brought forth from an original.)”

Paul is stating in verse 23 that the man Adam was the SOURCE from which Eve was brought forth. Eve was brought forth out of Adam.

Genesis 2:22-24 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Paul is stating in verse 23 that Christ Jesus is the SOURCE of the church. The church – the Body of Christ – has come forth through the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross.

Ephesians 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

What is the standard set forth by Jesus for the church?

Matt 20:25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. 26 “It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, 27 and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

In the church those who RULE (in the Greek: “are first in rank”) are NOT to lord over (in the Greek: “exercise dominion over”) and those who are the great (in the Greek: “those in high position”) are NOT to exercise authority over ( in the Greek: “to have full privilege over”)

In the church those who RULE and hold HIGH POSITIONS are NOT to exercise dominion over or to have full privilege over any member of the body of Christ.

The standard Jesus set for those who rule and hold high position is SERVICE and being a SERVANT. A servant is one who is in SUBJECTION to another.

Wives are to be subject to their husbands in the same standard Jesus set for the church.

Just as we, the church, voluntarily choose to be responsive to Christ and seek for His good first and foremost in all things – so also should wives CHOOSE to be responsive to their husbands and to seek for his good first and foremost in all things.

“Hupotassomai” is not a “demanded” or “commanded” dominion of husband over wife – it is a voluntary CHOICE wives make to seek for and pursue the very best for their beloved husbands in sacrificial love as imitator of Christ.

Just as we as individuals in the Body of Christ freely choose to prefer Christ in all things so also wives freely choose to prefer their own husbands in all things.

Titus 2:5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

The same Greek word for subject, “hupotassomai”, is used in Titus 2:5 and Eph. 5:21 and 24.

The older women are to encourage the younger women to love their husbands in sacrificial love which voluntarily CHOOSES to seek for the good and for the benefit of their husbands.

The submission Paul wrote of in marriage is being willing to actively seek for the very best for another. It is being willing to give honor to another above yourself. It is being willing to work together as one to reach a common goal.

In sacrificial love we walk in subjection to each other – Christian to Christian – we prefer one another, and seek for the good of another over our own good.

In sacrificial love in marriage – husband and wife – prefer one another, and seek for the good of our spouse over our own good.

When we walk in subjection to each other – Christian to Christian – we do so as equals.

When wives choose to walk in subjection to their husbands they do so as equals – equal in position with their husbands as fellow members in the Body of Christ.

Equality does not exist when one is placed in authority or rule over another. Equality does not exist when one is place in a position of obedience to another.

We love to say ‘equal but different functions’ but equality does not exist in this definition of the marriage relationship.

Equality means ‘the state of being equal’. Being equal means “having the same status, same value, same rank, and same ability.”

Colossians 3:18-19 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

Again the word translated as subject is “hupotassō” and is used in its passive form of “hupotassomai”.

“Hupotassomai” is voluntarily given; it can not be commanded, required or forced. The one giving “hupotassomai” must give it voluntarily.

“Hupotassomai” conveys the meaning of “tend to the needs of, be supportive of, and be responsive to.”

Again the word translated as love is “agapao” and means: ““giving up of oneself to care for another, be responsive to, tend to the needs of”.”

Paul again uses these two key words in a parallel fashion. He did so to example the marriage relationship in mutual submission to one another.

1Peter 3:1-2 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

Paul starts this statement off with the words ‘in the same way’. These words connect us to what has been said before this statement.

1Peter 2:12-15 Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation. 13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, 14 or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. 15 For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

In the same way – your sacrificial love which voluntary seeking the best for your unsaved husband and your excellent behavior towards your unsaved husband – will silence his ignorance and win him to the Lord on the day of God’s visitation.

1Peter 2:17-19 Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. 18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. 19 For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.

In the same way – honoring your unsaved husband with submissiveness even if he is unreasonable – finds favor with the Lord. I believe the promise of God to these wives is this – through the favor of the Lord upon the wife these unsaved husbands will be won to the Lord.

Verse 5 is a continuation of the promise.

1Peter 3:5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;

In this same manner – being submissive to ungodly or unsaved husbands and receiving the favor of God – the holy women of the past – who hoped in God – who placed their expectation upon Him and His promise – adorned themselves – with the favor of God and with their hope and expectation set upon God and His promise.

1Peter 3:6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

This verse is usually ‘the kicker’ for many. Sarah obeyed a husband who did not yet have total faith in God’s promise of protection in the land to which God sent him. He feared being put to death by others so that they could take Sarah as their wife. He made Sarah agree to tell others that she was his sister.

Twice Sarah obeyed this agreement and was taken into the harem of two different kings.

I believe the 1 Peter 3: 5-6 speaks of Sarah in this situation. First, she hoped in God. She could not hope in Abraham – he feared for his life and certainly was not going to deliver her from the harem of these kings. Sarah’s only hope was God and for God to see her plight and deliver her. I believe verse 6 tells us that Sarah hope was so great in God and His deliverance that she was not afraid.

I believe Sarah is used by Peter as an example of a woman who hoped in God without fear and found the favor of God in the midst of their situation. I believe Peter uses Sarah as an example of encouragement to all women who are unevenly yoked with unbelievers in marriage. Hope in God and do not fear. Obey God and submit – even to an unsaved husband who will not submit to you in mutual submission.

Peter is exhorting wives of unsaved husbands to do their part of the mutual submission which finds favor with God. God will deliver them and be with them as He was with Sarah.

1Corinthians 7:3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

We find in 1 Corinthians 7;3 the mutual subjection taught in Ephesians 5. The husband has authority over the wife’s body and the wife has authority over the husband’s body. We find equality of making an agreement together for sexual abstinence.

Genesis 3:16 To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”

When God said “he will rule over you” God was telling Eve the effect that will come forth from her sin.

God is not setting an ‘order’ or a ‘command’ of husband ruling over the wife. God is stating the effect that will come forth because of her sin. Where there was equal dominion and authority over the earth, in the days ahead man would rise to rule over women.

The effect/result of the original sin was man ruling over woman. Thank God, for the cross which loosed us from the effect of the original sin !!!

The Greek words used for the obedience of children to their parents and slaves to their master are NOT the same word used in being subject to one another or to husband and wife.

Children and slaves are commanded to “hupakouō”. “Hupakouō” means “to heed or conform to a command or authority”.
We are commanded to “hupotassomai” one another in the fear of Christ.

What does this “hupotassomai” mean – it means always seeking the best for someone else.

This is the submission we as Christians, we as wives, and we as husbands are called to.

I gladly and willing seek the very best for my husband !!! He gladly and willingly seeks the very best for me !!!

Priest of the home

It is a “doctrine of man” that places the husband over the wife as a spiritual authority.

God is the spiritual authority of women just as he is the spiritual authority of men. The husband is NOT a spiritual covering of protection over the wife. Women stand accountable to God.

No where can it found in the Bible where God placed man as a priest in the home who mediates before God on the behalf of his wife and children. The husband is NOT a ‘go between’ or ‘mediator’ for his wife or his children before God. Jesus Christ is alone mediator for both man and woman!!!

Many teach that the wife is subject – under obedience to the wishes of her husband in all things.

We find an example from the Word of God when a wife did not abide by the wishes of her husband but went against what he had ordered. When she did so she halted the coming judgment and outpouring of wrath. The Word of God does not condemn or rebuke her for this action – she is instead commended.

Abigail

In 1 Samuel 25 we find David sending ten men to make request for provisions from the man Nabal at Carmel. David made request for provisions from Nabal because of David and his men watching over Nabal’s shepherds and sheep in the fields.

Nabal refuses to give any provision to David and his men. This refusal causes David to be filled with anger and he rose up with his men to go and destroy Nabal and all that he owned.

It was told to Abigail the words of her husband and what he had done. Abigail did not foolishly abide by the spoken wishes of her husband. She quickly arose and loaded donkeys with 200 loaves of bread, two jugs of wine, five sheep already prepared to be eaten, five measures of roasted grain and one hundred cakes of raisins.

Abigail then followed behind the donkeys loaded down with provision for David and his men. This wise woman appeased the anger and wrath of David against her household. If she would have submitted to the wishes of her husband she and her household would have been totally destroyed.

Many have taught that women are to submit and obey their husbands in all things – even if he would command her to sin. This teaching says God will hold only the husband as the priest of his home accountable for the sin and not the wife.

If we look at an example from the Word of God we find this is not so – God held both the husband and the wife accountable for the sin.

Ananias and Sapphire

In Acts 5 we are told the story of Ananias and Sapphire. Ananias sold a piece of property and kept back some of the money for himself while telling the church he had given the full amount. He did this with the full knowledge of his wife, Sapphire.

At the rebuke of Peter for lying to the Holy Spirit Ananias fell down dead. When Sapphire came into the church three hours later Peter asked her if the piece of land had been sold for such and such a price. She replied that it had indeed sold for this price. She also fell dead at the feet of Peter.

Sapphire as well as Ananias was held accountable to God for sin. Sapphire was not covered by her husband as the priest of their home and allowed to commit sin. Sapphire was not allowed through submission to her husband as priest of her home to commit sin. Sapphire was held accountable to God for her choice to commit and carry out the sin of lying.

There is but one priest for both man and woman – Jesus Christ the risen Lord. There is but one mediator before God for both man and woman – Jesus Christ.

Many women have incorrectly been instructed to submit to an unclean spirit which is in control of their husbands.

We are NEVER told in the Word of God to submit to or be subject to unclean spirits. We are NEVER told in the Word of God to submit to or be subject to the manifestation of an unclean spirit in our spouses.

We as Christians must have discerning of spirits in order to never place ourselves in subjection to an unclean spirit. We as wives must have discerning of spirits in order to never place ourselves in subjection to an unclean spirit.

Wives to be subject to the their husband as instructed in the Word of God but to never be subject to an unclean spirit or its actions manifesting in their husband.

Mutual Submission

In the church and the home there must be one in the position of “the buck stops here”. When NO mutual agreement can be reached and only when ALL attempts at mutual agreement has been exhausted there is one who must be able to make the final decision. There are times and situations where one must have the position to make a final decision when no mutual agreement can be reached.

In our church Randy and I are co-pastors – we labor together and share the work of being pastors of the church. Yet, it is stated in our church by laws that if we can not come to a mutual agreement after all attempts have been made to do so Randy will make the final decision which must be made.

My husband is whom God picked to hold this position – the holder of this position does not have to be male by gender – either a male or female can hold this position of making a final decision after all attempts of mutual agreement have been exhausted.

This example is also very active in our home and marriage.

In marriage as equals husband and wife discuss the issue and work together until they come into agreement. If an agreement can not be reached – it is time to operate in preferring one another in love to see if an agreeable compromise can be made.

When Randy and I can’t come to a mutual agreement concerning our children and the issue is not a Biblical issue where a clear Biblical standard is written and when we have exhausted all attempts to come into a mutual agreement – we pray and seek the Lord bringing both sides concerning the situation to the Lord and seek His direction. When we do so we have found there are times when God will tell me to do what Randy instructs in this situation (sometimes with adult children with adult situations the exact opposite of what I want to do – boy does my faith and trust in my God grow in these times!!!) and at other times God will tell Randy to do as I instruct.

This is not anti – Biblical. We have this example in Scripture between Abraham and Sarah when God told Abraham to do whatever Sarah would instruct him.

So, I do believe there has to be someone who can make a final decision when all attempts at mutual agreement have been exhausted.

In emergency situations where a decision must be made at once and there is no agreement between us there must be who has the position of making the final decision. In our marriage the one of us who has the position of making the final decision differs depending on what the situation is.

If it is a decision about taking our children to the Doctor or to the hospital ER I have final and ruling decision. If it is a decision about finances and it has to be made right now my husband has the final and ruling decision.

For each marriage the areas of who has this position of making the final ruling and when are different. These areas are set by the agreement of both the husband and wife.

Jesus as the “kephale” of the church

The Greek word “kephale” is the word which is translated as “head” in reference to Jesus as the head of the body/church.

The Greek word ‘kephale” is used in the New Testament in reference to the literal ‘head’. An example of this is when Jesus said he had no place to lay his head/kephale.

Because of this usage many interpret these Scriptures as they are literally and simply stated. BUT is that the correct meaning Paul meant to convey by his words??

Let’s look at these Scriptures individually.

Ephesians 4:15-16 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

Paul seems to be using a simple analogy to make his point: Christ = head and the church = body. This is the most common understanding of this portion of Scripture.

Does this Scripture loose its meaning and significance if we instead use the alternative meaning for the word “kephale” which means “source of”?

Ephesians 4:15-16 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the source / who is the beginning/ who is the first fruits among men / who is the first born from the dead, even Christ, from whom [from Him our source and beginning] the whole body is fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

In Christ the body has its beginning and from Christ, who is the source and beginning, the whole body is fitted and held together. As each joint supplies and works properly the body grows and builds itself up in love.

By using this alternative meaning we get a clearer and better understanding of the significance of this verse.

Colossians 1:18 He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.

The context from which this verse is taken is speaking of Christ as the beginning and the source from which all is created.

Colossians 1:15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. 16 For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities–all things have been created through Him and for Him. 17 He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.

Verse 18 continues on to speak of Jesus and says He is also the ‘kephale’ of the body.

In context of Jesus as the source of all that is created verse 18 says He is also the source/ the beginning of the body, the church.

The next words “and He is the” are added by the translators for ease in reading. Verse 18 simply continues on listing Jesus as the “kephale” – beginning, firstborn from the dead and ends with telling us as the ‘kephale’ He is the first of everything.

Colossians 2:10 and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority;

To interpret this Scripture we must first look at the words “over all”. The Greek word translated as ‘over all’ simply means “all, the whole, every”. The word “over’ was added by the translators.

If we use the alternative meaning for the work “kephale” and leave the added word ‘over’ out we find verse 10 says Jesus is the source of all rule and authority.

This is much better translation of verse 10. In His name and in Him alone I have authority over the enemy and the unclean spirits who serve him. Jesus is the only true source of rule and authority.

Ephesians 1:22 And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church,

After putting all things in subjection under Jesus’ feet, God gave Jesus as the source who is over all things to the church.

This verse coupled with Colossians 2:10 we see that Jesus is the source of all rule and authority and He as the source of all rule and authority has been give to the church by God.

Colossians 2:19 and not holding fast to the head, from whom the entire body, being supplied and held together by the joints and ligaments, grows with a growth which is from God.

In this verse we again see Jesus is the source from whom the entire body is supplied and held together by the joints and ligaments and grows with a growth which is from God.

These verses do not lose their meaning or significance as we use the alternative meaning of source for the word “kephale”.